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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?